Wednesday, December 03, 2003
SO I will not be posting here again.
the final decision has been made...i MOVED
to over
HERE
please join me
the final decision has been made...i MOVED
to over
HERE
please join me
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
I had some pretty wacked out dreams last night. Well last night I had one that involved my Uncle Paul (who is my age and now dead from an overdose) , he was a feeling i couldnt see his face, he was trying to give me money. So then this morning I fell back to sleep on the couch after I got Althea to the bus I dreamt that he (paul) walked in the door and gave me $27 bucks (the money he was trying to give me in the 1st deam). I kinda knew in my dream that he was dead (from the 1st one)so when I saw him I started crying, and I SAW him clearly and he leaned over and gave me a hug and I knew it wasnt real, I knew he was dead so then he turned into my father.... The dream went on with my dad moving my furniture and wierd shit like women off the street coming in to ask for a lighter. But the Paul part was wierd...I've been thinking about him allot lately, his birthday is at the end of the month. I really miss him.
Saturday, November 29, 2003
Thursday, November 27, 2003
ok so I tried iBlog, which is my lame asss way of being as col as all you with movabletext. i cant cut it. Maybe tomorrrow. Until then Om working on a new blog that with coincide with this til it takes over. Im building from the laymans ground up so it'll take while til I publish....keep upi updated.. Unless anyone who knowss MT wants to learn me alittle.
HAPPTY THANKGIVIBG
HAPPTY THANKGIVIBG
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
Monday, November 24, 2003
alright I am completely pissed off about the whole email situation.
I guess Im going to have to go back and try edoura. so back to using jes@davidgrover.com. Thanks for your patience.
I guess Im going to have to go back and try edoura. so back to using jes@davidgrover.com. Thanks for your patience.
Thursday, November 20, 2003
i cant wake up in the morning. I went to sleep at 10 last night and still was dead to the world til 10 this morning. Why do I need 12 hours of sleep. Im trying to give myself a break because I DO work 4 nights a week so that would make it harder to wake up BUT I think its more of a matter of depression. I want to stop taking my night time meds cause they MUST be one reasons its so hard to wake up. I talked to Lee about it tonight but hes basically SICK or hearing me feel sorry for myself. I mean he tries to make me feel better...telling me that I do work pretty full time - I clean the house semi-regularly, Ive cookd dinner more in the last month than in the last 2 years! So how come I feel like crawling into a hole and dying.
I dont even know how or where to start.
New meds, totally depressed, manic as all hell.
Keeping the kids out of school, Isabella officially quit but Althea, well she’s just been skipping. I feel so much better having her home.....shes been really delicate though and Im not sure if its cause shes finally able to fall apart since she isnt holding everything in at school. Today shes been crying abouther hamster that died 8+ months ago, going on about death and dying and how she wished Carman The Hamster just got lost so she didnt have to KNOW it was dead. Wierd. I think Lee is going to be really mad that she didnt goto school today.He says he doesn’t care and he doesnt mind if she decides to homeschool but for some reason he always makes me feel like a failure, like we woke up too late or Im too lazy...well we were up on time and I just asked,”Althea, do you want to goto school or stay home?” she said “stay home”. thats all there is to it. Its harder with t hem both home, they both want all my energy. I never reallized how much easier it is till I was home with just Ella, ya know>
I dont know why I think everyone is mad or disappointed. I always feel like I can never do anything right. If I dont get enough done on the house im a failure. If I do and I dont goto the office im a failure. I work 3 jobs and try and raise and unschool 2 young girls the best I can and I never cut myself a break. But I cant I KNOW I can do more, I KNOW I could cook dinner everynight and mop once a week, still goto work, work well, have a social life and not feel guilty about every single moment of my life. right now I should be mopping....but instead Im a fucking loser
princess Isabel
New meds, totally depressed, manic as all hell.
Keeping the kids out of school, Isabella officially quit but Althea, well she’s just been skipping. I feel so much better having her home.....shes been really delicate though and Im not sure if its cause shes finally able to fall apart since she isnt holding everything in at school. Today shes been crying abouther hamster that died 8+ months ago, going on about death and dying and how she wished Carman The Hamster just got lost so she didnt have to KNOW it was dead. Wierd. I think Lee is going to be really mad that she didnt goto school today.He says he doesn’t care and he doesnt mind if she decides to homeschool but for some reason he always makes me feel like a failure, like we woke up too late or Im too lazy...well we were up on time and I just asked,”Althea, do you want to goto school or stay home?” she said “stay home”. thats all there is to it. Its harder with t hem both home, they both want all my energy. I never reallized how much easier it is till I was home with just Ella, ya know>
I dont know why I think everyone is mad or disappointed. I always feel like I can never do anything right. If I dont get enough done on the house im a failure. If I do and I dont goto the office im a failure. I work 3 jobs and try and raise and unschool 2 young girls the best I can and I never cut myself a break. But I cant I KNOW I can do more, I KNOW I could cook dinner everynight and mop once a week, still goto work, work well, have a social life and not feel guilty about every single moment of my life. right now I should be mopping....but instead Im a fucking loser
princess Isabel
